


The Man Who Killed Batman

by starsurfer108



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 19:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10726035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsurfer108/pseuds/starsurfer108
Summary: Accused of killing Batman and now a fugitive, Bruce Wayne finds himself in the very company he hates – Gotham's underworld. (NOTE that I am uploading all chapters at once! )





	1. Chapter 1

Bruce Wayne took a deep breath as he entered his personal elevator at Wayne Enterprises. He always had to psych himself up to lose a few IQ points and present himself as the clueless and irresponsible playboy, Bruce Wayne. Giving his head one last shake, he heard the ding of the elevator as he reached his destination.

“Hello, Sir!” squeaked one of the secretaries. Bruce returned a flirtatious look as he kept walking towards his penthouse office.

As he passed the next corner, he noticed the girls in the office typing pool huddled together and whispering intently. Knowing something was out of the ordinary, he wandered close. “What’s up, girls?” he said in his charming way.

Instead of reacting with pleasure at his attention, they all looked frightened and scrambled to shuffle the paper in question out of sight.

Bruce pushed forward, raising an eyebrow. Knowing they were trapped, one of the girls handed him a photo, saying “It’s the talk of the town. Sorry, Mr. Wayne.”

Bruce took the photo and gasped in shock. His squeeze for the week was shown sharing a passionate kiss with Batman.

_But I never did that…_

Sure, it was a rather blurry photo and it was only of their heads, but it was obvious what her identity was. And to the untrained eye and possibly to the trained eye as well, it looked like Batman. But that marked her for a target – the exact thing which stopped him from having any meaningful long-term relationship with a woman, due to the dangers involved. Given that his regularly rotating girlfriend would know about his playboy reputation, he thought he could meet his carnal needs with a relatively clear conscience, but not now.

As Bruce uncharacteristically stormed away, he could hear the girls whispering. “Oh my gosh, did you see how angry he was?” “Finally got a taste of his own medicine!” “I wonder what he’s going to do to her?” “Do you think he’ll take on Batman?”

-0-

Erratic footsteps were sounding in the hallway that he deduced were from his wayward girlfriend. Obviously she knew the jig was up and she wasn’t sure how to approach the billionaire. He heard a rather formal knock on his door, and the creak as it opened slowly.

“Bruce…”

“Kim.”

She was looking at him precariously, not sure what to do. Finally, the tension got the better of her. She gulped. “I…I can explain!”

“Please do.” His playboy persona was all but gone, and he was scrutinizing her with the eyes of a tiger.

“I’ve always had a crush on him… just a simple little crush…”

Bruce’s eyes flashed. There was no such thing as a ‘simple little crush’ when it came to Batman. What a stupid woman – getting herself endangered like this.

“…and he was just there so I kissed him…not that there’s any hope for a long-term relationship…”

 _As opposed to me?_ Bruce resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It still amazed him how women could expect something different from him, given his reputation.

“He’s so dreamy. And strong…”

Glad someone was enjoying the living hell he was imposing upon himself.

“I hope you’re not too mad?” she asked with pleading eyes. She wasn’t too bright considering that she persisted in trying to repair the relationship despite her instinctual fear that rose from seeing this unfamiliar, furious side of him. 

Bruce remained silent. She was a target now. As much as he’d like to send her the way of all his previous girlfriends, as Batman it was his duty to protect her and she was safest with him.

“I’ve never seen you like this, Bruce!” she stammered, horrified.

He rose. He couldn’t help his lack of humour, forced to be with a woman he generally found annoying, and he tried to explain it away. “I’m not going to lose to the Batman,” he said seriously as he ran his hands down her arms.

There was a panic-stricken look in her face from his lack of wellbeing, but finally her intellect took over and she dashed into his arms. “Oh, thank you, Bruce!” she said, sobbing in relief into his chest.

Suppressing his irritation, he started to return to the jovial and carefree sucker that Bruce Wayne was, encouraging her that she was safe.

-0-

Bruce was at one of the social gatherings on a luxurious ocean liner that was docket in Gotham. He was in full-blown idiot mode, lapping up every ass-kissing compliment that came his way to offset any rumours that might be floating around about his previous behaviour. So far it all seemed good. While people were a bit tense around him before, he could see they were relaxed now. He was still the Bruce Wayne they all know and love.

Kim was having a great time. “Oh Bruce, this is just marvelous – I’ve been so excited about this event for weeks! I even told everyone I know!” she said, laughing happily. Bruce responded with a lighthearted chuckle. “Glad to see you’re having a good time, sweetie,” he said in his confident playboy tone.

A shadow of a cape passed one of the portholes, and Bruce Wayne lost his smile for a second.

“I’ll be right back, sweetie – I’m just stepping outside for some fresh air.”

“OK, Bruce,” she responded, looking at him curiously.

Bruce ran out the docks and up to the nearby bridge to get a better vantage point, updating Alfred on the situation. He doubted that the impostor had any idea of what he was getting into with all the crazies running around Gotham, so he also had a duty of care to stop this guy.

“Mr. Wayne, I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

Bruce whirled around to see a rather poorly-equipped scrawnier version of himself.

“Really? What does Batman want with _me_?”

“Er…”  Obviously the kid hadn’t thought this thing through.

“You’re not really Batman, are you?” he growled.

“UHHH….” The kid was getting ready to make a run for it. Bruce couldn’t allow him to escape and put himself in danger any longer. Seeing Alfred’s timely appearance below in the Bat-boat, now equipped with an inflatable section, Bruce grabbed him and expertly tossed him onto the boat which then silently vanished into the night. Due to the force required, some of the old bridge crumbled and fell into the river with a splash.

“EEEEKKKK!!” came a piercing scream behind him. Whirling around, he saw it was Kim. She’d obviously noticed that something wasn’t quite right about his excuse to leave. Damnit. Better to have no intelligence than half-intelligence. Already nearby police were running to the scene.

“What’s wrong, miss?” said one rookie.

Through sobs, she exclaimed “Bruce Wayne just killed Batman!”

Not really knowing what to do, the cops looked at Bruce. He had a look of shock on his face, but not one of an entirely innocent man.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wayne, but we’re going to have to take you in.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bruce was by himself in one of the interrogation rooms. So far he’d been uncooperative, choosing to remain silent rather than answering questions. If he’d admitted to throwing Batman in a fit of jealousy, it would be assault or even worse, murder. If he said it was an impostor he’d thrown, firstly, it begs the question how he knew that, and secondly, it would open up a can of worms as to why he’d gain anything from doing that. He just didn’t have a good reason for throwing Batman or Batman’s impostor into the river and possibly to his death. Better to just wait it out and hopefully the lack of evidence would allow him to be set free.

The door opened and Commissioner Gordon entered. “Mr. Wayne, I’m sure you know why you’re still here. We haven’t found a body yet. But we’ve asked some questions. Your office pool said that it was likely you were experiencing something along the lines of temporary insanity. Anyway, I want you to look at this tape.”

Bruce knew that Gordon was trying to prompt a confession by giving the impression that there was an easy way out through pleading insanity, which would end the deadlock.

The old TV flickered on, showing the Commissioner interviewing Kim.

_“Ms. Winters, we’re investigating the charges against Bruce Wayne given his recent attack on Batman. What can you tell us about it?”_

_“Well, I’d never seen him like that! He just sorta snapped! I think he would have snapped sooner if I hadn’t calmed him down.”_

Bruce rolled his eyes. If this girl was anything, it was someone who _wasn’t_ on his emotional wavelength.

_“You had to calm him down? Was it something that happened, or was it inexplicable?”_

_Kim stared a moment, trying to figure out what the long word meant. Finally, her face lit as an internal lightbulb went off. “Oh! It was because he saw the photo. The one where I’m kissing Batman,” she said proudly._

_Gordon looked distracted. “Do you think that Bruce Wayne is capable of wanting to harm Batman?”_

_A worried look flickered across her face, and she nodded. “I mean, I’d been warned by the girls that he’d changed suddenly after seeing the photo… he’s used to getting his own way, you know what I’m saying?”_

_“So you kissed Batman, eh?” The Commissioner said after a pause, a hard look in his eyes._

Obviously the Commissioner thought it didn’t make sense given his first-hand experience with Batman’s solemn and private nature. Bruce almost felt like standing up and giving him a big kiss right now – thank God _someone_ thought it was uncharacteristic of Batman, going around kissing people.

_“I was looking out the window every night hoping to catch a glimpse of him… and then one night he was actually there,” she said with a dreamy look in her eye._

Bruce’s forehead creased. She was as dumb as a pole, but he still didn’t like the thought of her being taken advantage of. Obviously someone had noticed her habits.

_“Who took the photo?”_

_“I did, with my camera phone – it was my idea, and he said it was fine,” she giggled._

If that really had been Batman, Bruce wouldn’t mind hoeing into him at this moment for recklessly endangering a member of the public. But since that was not the case, punching himself in the stomach wouldn’t be quite as satisfying.

_The Commissioner was rubbing his temples. “And how do you know it was really Batman?”_

_The question sent her into hysterics, crying and wailing – the very idea that Batman wouldn’t be interested in her was enough to send her over the edge of reason. With a frightened look, Gordon tried to calm her down but to no avail – so he reached over to the camera. The image disappeared into static._

Gordon cleared his throat. “Mr. Wayne, as you can see, we have testimony that shows motive.”

“Reliable testimony?” Bruce asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Hmph. Well, I’m more interested in why you’re remaining silent - I can’t think of a good reason why you’re not cooperating.”

 _Neither can I_ , thought Bruce.

“I want to know what you’re hiding from us. But the most worrisome thing is that I’ve had the Bat signal on for the last two hours, and he hasn’t shown up. I was hoping to see him so I could release you. I’ll be using the signal as often as I can - hopefully the criminals won’t catch on that he’s missing and we get a crime wave. As you are not cooperating with us, we will proceed with the charges.”

Bruce silently sat there, brooding. He couldn’t blame the Commissioner. Batman was pretty reliable to respond to the signal. He agreed with that air-tight logic.

At that moment, the door opened. Bruce looked up to see his highly-priced lawyers standing there. “This is an outrage-”

“Save it for the trial!” Gordon said fearlessly to the legal army, slamming the door in their faces. Bruce couldn’t help but admire Gordon for taking a stand, unlike these other rotten cops. He smiled faintly despite the fact that Gordon’s honesty was working against him.  

“Mr. Wayne, you will be held in custody without bail until further notice,” stated the Commissioner. Bruce nodded after a pause, showing he understood.

Gordon opened the door and left.

The head lawyer gingerly inspected the room. Seeing no one else in it, he became fierce again. “Mr. Wayne, the Commissioner’s lack of due process will not go unpunished-”

“Leave him!” barked Bruce. They all looked around, surprised.

Bruce didn’t struggle as he was led to his cell by some policemen.


	3. Chapter 3

Due to his status, the trial had been pushed forward to be the next day – something that was previously unheard of in the Gotham legal system.

Bruce stood ready as the judge took his seat. “Court is now in session.”

The district attorney rose. “Your Honour, we’d like to call Ms. Kim Winters to the stand.”

Kim tottered up to the stand, and made a big display of ceremoniously getting out her handkerchief.

“Ms. Winters, in your own words, would you please describe what had happened regarding Mr. Bruce Wayne in the days leading up to the incident?”

“Bruce has always been the jealous type,” Kim said, immediately sniffing into her handkerchief. “I should have seen it in his eyes. I knew he would get revenge for my kiss with Batman. I just didn’t think he could do it!” she squeaked.

“Ms. Winters, did you actually see Bruce Wayne kill Batman?”

“Yes! I saw him grab Batman by the neck, beat him senseless – oh, it was so horrible - and then toss him over a bridge!” she exclaimed. “It was all my fault - if it wasn’t for me, Batman would still be alive today!” She started to wail.

“Thank you, Ms. Winters,” said the prosecutor rather strictly. “That’ll be all.”

Kim stepped down and toddled back to her seat. “Hi, Bruce!” she happily whispered as she passed him. It took all of Bruce’s self-control to suppress his irritation – it was all he could do to remain as still as a statue.  

“Your Honour, we’d like to call Mr. Bruce Wayne to the stand.”

Bruce mechanically pried himself out of his chair and walked forward.

“Mr. Bruce Wayne, would you describe to the court the events leading up to the incident?”

“I invoke my 5th amendment right – the right to remain silent.”

Immediately, the court was in an uproar.

The judge banged his gavel. “Order in the court! Very well, Mr. Wayne, since you obviously consider yourself above these proceedings, this matter shall be referred to the High Court! This present court recognises your significant contribution to society, therefore you shall not be detained in jail, but you may not leave the city limits until your trial! Court adjourned!” With a flourish of his cloak, the judge stormed out.

Bruce rather grimly rose from the chair and walked out of the courtroom, heading towards a back exit to avoid the throng of reporters at the front entrance.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he stepped out into the nearby alleyway, looking up, trying to get a glimpse of sun. It hadn’t gone as planned – he had hoped he would be acquitted due to lack of reliable evidence, but instead his reputation was damaged as it could be interpreted that he thought himself exempt from the law. However, his current freedom would now allow Batman to rise from the dead, so to speak – at least slaying _that_ ghost was under his control.

Walking towards the street, he noticed two rough-types loitering just at the exit. He could sense they were eyeing him – if they didn’t recognise him, he could quickly defend himself and be on his way.

“Mr. Wayne,” one of them said in a gruff voice.

_Damn._

Now his reputation as Bruce Wayne, the irresponsible playboy, had to come into effect.

“We’d be happy to offer you a ride, Mr. Wayne,” said the other, chuckling, pulling aside his jacket to reveal a gun.

Obviously they wanted him alive… reluctantly, Bruce stepped into the waiting car, not seeing options at this particular point in time.

“Hey!” Bruce protested, as one of them put a black bag over his head.

“Relax, Mr. Wayne – this is just for your own protection.”

He could hear them both chuckling, which did nothing to put him at ease.  

-0-

After about half an hour’s drive, they pulled up at their destination. He could hear the crunch of the gravel underneath his feet as he was roughly led into a building and forced to sit down on a chair.

The bag was ripped from his head. His gaze met with a familiar white-faced clown who was leering at him.

“Joker,” Bruce growled. _Oops, careful now… not too deep with the voice…_

“Ah, I see you’ve heard of me,” the Joker said with overstated geniality. “So _happy_ you could respond to my invitation.”

“What do you want with me?”

“The man who killed Batman can’t be all bad. I mean, can’t be all _good_ ,” the Joker sniggered.

“You’ve found the body?” Bruce asked.

“No… but you’ve got to understand Batman’s tenacity. If he’s not around, he’s dead!” the Joker cackled gleefully.

First Commissioner Gordon, and now the Joker… was he really everyone’s bitch, turning up all the time?

“And what will you do if I say no?”

“Well, we could systematically off every single girl you’ve been with. It always makes society news, you know. Quite easy to track,” the Joker said nonchalantly with an edge of maliciousness.

 _Fuck_.

Oh the irony, that this hedonism actually endangered the girls rather than keep them at a safe distance.

_Well, he’s got me._

“Alright,” grumbled Bruce, eyes ablaze.

The Joker cocked his head. “But first, dear boy… why exactly _did_ you want to kill Batman? We can’t have just any old riff-raff joining our group, you must understand.”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed. “I had a bone to pick with him. I don’t like him,” he answered truthfully. “I’m not going to say any more than that,” he added, challenging the Joker’s inquisition.

“I see,” said the Joker, baring his teeth in a smile that was too large to be genuine, and tapping his fingertips together. “Well, I’m sure you’ll make a good addition to our little group. We could use an extra pair of hands.”

Bruce looked surprised. “You don’t just want my money?”

“Oh, no, dear boy… I want people to be _personally invested_ , and we all know you don’t care two shits about those women,” the Joker said, lightly clapping his two hands together.

Harley looked surprised. “He’s just a rich boy- what can he do?”

Bruce immediately shot her a dangerous look, eyes unchanging as he stared her down. He knew he had to play their game if he was to get any respect. And the bad mood he was in was actually helping, for once.

“Oh, shit,” she couldn’t help whispering.

“Yes, we figured that someone who was a perpetual philanderer had to have a dark side,” said the Joker, delighted.

“I want to be disguised,” said Bruce flatly.

“Hey, Brucie – sounds like you’re ashamed to be with us. I think you should ride loud and proud as Bruce Wayne,” said Harley, regaining her senses and hoping to get him back for intimidating her.

“Not if you want to continue to have financial backing, as opposed to me being in jail and my assets frozen,” retorted Bruce.

“Oooh, I love this guy,” said the Joker, gleefully clapping his hands. “He’s almost as fun to play with as the Batman.”

Bruce shot him a dark but faintly wary look, which only increased the Joker’s smile.

“So, you’re one of our group now – what are your skills?” asked Harley, without any hint of friendliness.

“I can drive,” muttered Bruce.

“Yeah, we knew that from looking up your record in the DMV!” shouted Harley.

“I can drive _well_ ,” snapped Bruce, infuriated.

Harley took that as a personal affront against women drivers, as intended, and narrowed her eyes, glaring at him.

“Harley, shut up,” the Joker said in a rather moderate and jovial tone, but with full implications his words should be obeyed.

“Hmph,” she said, pouting and folding her arms.

The Joker gave Harley a quick look up and down. “Let’s take him out for a little spin, shall we? I could use some more diamonds for my _dear Harley_ ,” he schmoozed.

Harley perked up. “Does that mean I get to keep them this time, boss?”

“No.”

Harley looked disappointed. “Eh, close enough,” she grumbled as she went to get her utilities.


	4. Chapter 4

Bruce, the Joker, Harley and two other henchmen snuck through a window, into Gotham’s now-deserted museum, bar a couple of security guards who were occasionally making their rounds.  

Landing softly, Bruce rubbed his face – the Fu Manchu moustache they had given him as a disguise was starting to feel uncomfortable. And not for aesthetic reasons, either – he was sure he looked like a catfish. Apparently it was only disguise they had, although Bruce doubted the sincerity of that explanation.

They followed Harley in single file, who’d previously ascertained the areas safe from the motion sensors.

An air of tension fell on the group as they focused on traveling the narrow safe zones, and remaining still to avoid detection by guards in close proximity. Finally, they reached the main display - a huge diamond in a glass case.

Bruce narrowed his eyes and turned to the Joker. “I can see why you want me here. That’s a security system designed by Wayne Enterprises. But you’d be out of your mind if you think I can disable it.”

The Joker raised an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m surprised you even recognised your own product.” He grabbed a nearby fire extinguisher and threw it against the glass, but it only bounced away. Immediately, the place was full of the scream of alarms.

Bruce stood there, stunned.

The Joker turned, leering at him. “It works. Congratulations.”

The two henchmen positioned themselves either side of the door and knocked out the security guards as they came to investigate.

Bruce continued to stand there, shocked. None of the others looked like they were going to make a move. “Oh, you want to see if Batman is going to come.”

“Yes, _very good,_ ol’ boy,” the Joker replied sarcastically. “It’s kind of been the theme of the moment, you know.”

Feeling a bit disgruntled considering the piercing sound was now making his brain rattle, Bruce resigned himself to waiting along with the others. They’d be pursuing him indefinitely, ironically.

He mused about whether he could fake Batman’s presence, but his options were limited and it would have to be something big to be heard over the sound of the alarm. He knew that his situation wouldn’t exactly be pleasant if the Joker did ever catch him as Batman, but the agony he was experiencing right now would have to be pretty darn close.

After 10 minutes of torture, the cops finally showed up. Bruce was surprised that he actually could hear the sirens. And no wonder Batman had all these enemies considering his hasty response time versus the cops’ abysmal response time - they weren’t even close to his efforts!

Looking around, he could see a look of relief on the two henchmen’s faces. The Joker looked disappointed that his experiment had come to an end, and Harley, while not exactly looking comfortable, knew too well to show any indication against the Joker’s wishes.

Resigned, the Joker waved his hand, motioning for them to escape. With seconds to spare, they ran to the roof, the cops in hot pursuit. Each of them took out a hookshot and swung over to the next building, leaving a bunch of frustrated cops behind.

With a heave, Bruce pulled himself up over the ledge. The Joker was doing the same, but the jagged piece he was clinging onto came loose. As a reflex, Bruce reached out and caught him by the wrist. Initially stunned, the Joker found another handhold and pulled himself up.

“Much obliged, ol’ chap,” said the Joker with an air of irritation for getting himself into that predicament, and briskly wiped down the front of his jacket with his hands. Harley was wide-eyed, but then her expression changed to one of jealousy as she looked at Bruce.

The crew ran down the stairs and got into their vehicle which had been camouflaged in the alley nearby. Once they were all in, the engine roared and Bruce pulled away at top speed.

“You drive well, Wayne,” said one of the henchmen. “Kinda like one of them racing-car guys.”

“That’s what we could use- a racing car!” said Harley eagerly, wanting to find a way to put Bruce down, making him seem like a toy to be used.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want to attract attention or anything,” Bruce replied sarcastically.

Harley glowered at him.

The Joker looked distracted and rather glum as he was thrown side to side by the sharp turns. “So, Brucie-boy, level with me, ol’ chap – did you actually kill Batman?”

Bruce sighed. “I don’t know - you think he could have survived that fall?”

The Joker turned to his henchman. “Mickey, how many times have you tossed Batman over a bridge?”

“Seven, boss.”

The Joker looked back at Bruce expectantly.

Bruce gritted his teeth. “Why do you think I’m an expert on Batman all of a sudden? If he’s bridge-proof, I guess he’s not dead, then.”

“Well, _where_ _is he_?” hissed the Joker, frustrated.

“How am I supposed to know that?” replied Bruce hotly. “He could be on vacation, for all I know!”

The occupants of the car fell into a subdued silence as they contemplated that scenario.

“Yeah, he’s definitely not an expert on Batman…” muttered Harley.

The Joker grimaced. “Well, logically speaking, he is due for a vacation… what has it been, ten years now? And it would be quite ironic if that were actually the case, and here we are running around like fools instead of enjoying _our_ vacation.”

Bruce couldn’t help but smirk.

The Joker gave a devious grin, his spirits lifting suddenly. “I suppose we should invite some friends for a little party, then.”

Bruce shot him a wary look.

“Anyway, we have company, ol’ chap,” the Joker said, grinning even more considering he now had a clear plan.

Looking through the rear view mirror, Bruce saw an array of cop cars.

Bruce expertly drove through the back alleys of Gotham. One by one, the cop cars lost traction, allowing them to make a clean getaway.  

-0-

Later that evening, Bruce was called out. Joker had gathered his colleagues in crime – the Penguin, Poison Ivy and Two-Face.  

“Why isn’t he tied up?” the Penguin demanded.

“He’s cooperating with us, ol’ chap,” the Joker said proudly.

The guests warily looked at Bruce.

Bruce cleared his throat. “It’s because I like sluts,” he offered as an explanation.

From the other room, he could hear Mickey call out. “Uhh.. are you sure these are necessary, boss?”

The Joker emphatically waved his arms around. “Mickey, it’s a foolproof way to witness the _end_ of Batman.”  

“Well, if he’s already dead, then what do we do?”

“Nothing, you imbecile!” the Joker shouted.

“Harvey,” Bruce said with a nod, going to his former friend.

“Hey, who the fuck you calling Harvey?”

Bruce walked into his field of vision on his other side.

“Bruce! Ol’ buddy, good to see you!” Harvey said warmly, shaking his hand. “Here, let me get you a drink.”

A bit wary, Bruce accepted the glass of scotch. He’d always relied on the fact that Alfred would give him non-alcoholic drinks, but unfortunately Bruce Wayne was known for sculling alcohol like there was no tomorrow, so he couldn’t completely abstain.

 _‘Disgusting stuff,’_ he thought as he took a sip. Thanks to his heightened senses, it started to work already – he felt a rush of blood to his brain which almost gave him the impression that he was more observant, but he knew for a fact that he was actually slower.

“Bruce Wayne? Do my eyes deceive me?” Ivy said incredulously, sauntering over.

The Joker turned around, a triumphant look on his face. “Mm, yes - we’ve threatened to kill all his ex-girlfriends unless he cooperates.” It was clear he was reveling in his accomplishment of bringing the great Bruce Wayne to his knees.

Not convinced, Ivy surveyed Bruce questioningly.

Bruce narrowed his eyes. “Well, I obviously have a dark side. I’ve decided to let every vapid, self-absorbed money-grubbing skank continue to live,” he grumbled. Ooh, did he just say that? Is that what people meant when they said it was the alcohol talking?

Ivy smirked, satisfied that Bruce was under the Joker’s control. “No hard feelings, Bruce?” she said rather derisively, enjoying his misfortune.

“Of course not, Ivy,” responded Bruce flatly due to her lack of sincerity. This whole situation was pissing him off, and he was in the mood to let out a few of his demons, as long as he was careful to not go too far. “And if there _are_ any hard feelings, I’d like to remind you that you’re included in that list of my girls that are targets…”

*slap*

_Oops. Too far._

“Er… Ivy… I’m sorry,” stammered Bruce, regaining a hold of himself.

The Joker’s devilish grin widened, showing he was pleased at what he had seen.

“Hm… no matter,” she said, shrugging, but her eyes clearly indicated distrust and possibly revenge.

The Joker motioned for them to go to a nearby card table, to which the group complied, chit-chatting about various things.

It almost felt good to be with them again. And no bullshit. This is who they really were. It was weird - since he’d dedicated his life to criminals, their familiarity was almost comfortable.

The conversation inevitably went over to Batman.

Harley eyed Bruce, hoping to one-up him. “Well, Brucie… got any Batman stories?”

“I suppose I do see Batman occasionally,” Bruce said gruffly, faintly rolling his eyes at the fact that they wanted him to join in.

“You mean you’re having an _affair_ with Batman?” asked Ivy snidely.

Bruce choked on his drink. “What?!”

“Well, it would explain a lot,” Ivy said snidely.

Bruce grimaced angrily at her. _So that’s the way it is._

“And it would have been around the time I was seeing _you_ , which makes sense,” Bruce said sarcastically and pointedly.

Ivy gritted her teeth, offended at the slight against her as a desirable person.

The Joker stood up and outstretched his hands. “Come, come… can’t we all get along?”

“No,” they all said in unison. The Joker’s smile increased. Then he got out a gun and shot the stack of playing cards.

“I suppose we can play 52 card pickup,” grumbled Two-Face.

“Duh… I think there’s more than 52 cards now,” said Mickey.

“Quiet!” snapped the Joker.

They all decided to go to bed due to the lack of entertainment.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, the Joker called them all to attention. “We’ll go in two cars to the warehouse – pick up a little extra something while you’re out, boys.”

Bruce felt uneasy as the henchmen began to snigger.

“Yes, boss,” said Mickey, then turned to leave.

Bruce was dismayed by his disguise – a Fu Manchu moustache. It looked so fake that only an idiot would be fooled by it.

He drove to the warehouse. Entering it, he found it empty.

After a while, he could hear the second car pull up.

“Looks like your present has arrived,” the Joker said, chuckling.

Bruce heard a loud ‘EEEKK!!’ which was unmistakably Kim. He turned to the Joker. “Hey, I thought you were leaving my girls alone!”

“Oh, we are – but this one happens to be _Batman’s girl_ as well as yours,” the Joker said, snickering, looking secure that he’d found a source of pain for Bruce.

Bruce looked darkly back at him, only increasing the Joker’s confidence that he’d found the reason for dissension between Bruce and Batman.

Kim was whimpering as the henchmen dragged her through the door.

“Well, what _are_ we going to do with you?” the Joker said smugly, leering at her. Kim was getting hysterical.

“All alone here!” said the Joker, waving his arms theatrically. “No _Batman_ to save you…”

That roused her. “No, no – he’ll save me – he’ll save everyone, and he’ll put pigs like you in jail!” she said defiantly, through her tears. Oh, loyal, stupid Kim.

The Joker looked like he was ready to murder her.

“Shut. Up.” growled Bruce, aware that she was putting herself in danger by goading the Joker. And _man_ , that felt good.

Kim squeaked, but obeyed _. ‘Figures,’_ thought Bruce, since she obviously didn’t recognise him.

“Besides, aren’t you the one who said that Batman was dead and that it was Bruce Wayne’s fault?” Bruce asked rather grimly.

Kim gave a nervous giggle. “Er… that was before I had a chance to think about it.”

Bruce’s eye twitched. The Joker let out a small ‘heh’ and his grin widened. Satisfied, he turned away.  

After about half an hour, one of the henchmen froze, then pointed to a shadow. “It’s Batman!” he shrieked, trembling.

‘Batman’ landed with a stumble and a soft ‘ow’. Bruce winced at the amateur. _Stupid, stupid._

The invited super-criminals all looked at each other and started to leave, glaring at the Joker for wasting their time.

Bruce frowned. Why wasn’t it ever so easy to get rid of these guys when _he_ was fighting? But, he couldn’t let his guard down - the Joker alone was still quite a threat.

“You’re Batman?” the Joker asked rather flatly.

“Yes, I am,” he said with a slight quaver in his voice, striking a pose that one would find in a swimwear catalogue.

The Joker looked ravenously at the impostor.

Bruce watched in horror as ‘Batman’ threw a fake Batarang which broke as it hit its target. Fucking amateurs. All this shit was supposed to _work_ , not just be for show.

Grabbing a knife, the Joker threw it, hitting ‘Batman’ directly in the chest. They heard a large ‘clang’ and stuffing came out where the muscle should have been. Finally, the kid had got something right.

“So you want to be Batman, do you?” the Joker spat. “How do you expect to defeat us all?”

“I called the police,” the kid responded. “I’m not completely stupid!”

The Joker looked like he wanted to retort, but angrily let the kid go as the sound of sirens became louder in the distance.

Being on the end of a pier, they had no choice but to hide.

“Bruce, don’t you ever wonder who Batman is?” the Joker asked rather dejectedly.

“All the time,” murmured Bruce.

The Joker glanced up at the slightly odd response. Seeing nothing, he continued rather matter-of-factly. “Oh well, Bruce, old boy, we’d better-“

He was cut off as he heard a squeal from Kim.

“Oh, Jack! You did it for me!”

Bruce couldn’t help but feel a pang for the sublime happiness that stupidity and ineptitude could bring.

The Joker looked thoroughly nauseated. “Come, Bruce – hand me that launcher – we could make their night end in a bang!” he said gleefully.

“No. This ends _now_ ,” Bruce said angrily in his dark Batman voice, gripping both of the Joker’s lapels and dragging him close.

“Oh, shit!” the Joker said, genuinely surprised, mouth agape.

“If you _ever_ come after my girls or anyone connected to me, you will have effectively _killed_ Batman, but you’d be dead. Understood?” Batman threatened menacingly.

It took a moment to respond because he was still in shock, but the Joker nodded. Batman released him.

The Joker brushed himself off brusquely, and looked angrily at the unmasked Batman.

Bruce’s breathing quickened, from having his secret let out. The Joker couldn’t be harmed now – it was against his code of honour. He could tell all the criminals about this, and it might turn into a real attack-fest.

Almost as if reading his mind, the Joker said “I think we’ll keep this as our little secret, what do you say, old boy?” His choice of words was familiar, but the tone of voice was rather serious.

Bruce’s eyes opened wide. “Why?”

“Because I will look like a fucking idiot!” snapped the Joker. But in his eyes, there was also an unspoken element of the Joker knowing that it would destroy Batman, and not in a fair fight. There wasn’t any glory or satisfaction of destroying Batman that way.

The Joker pursed his lips. “And why did you stop me from falling at the museum? You could have ended this earlier,” he asked bitterly, as if the joke was on him.

“I don’t know,” responded Bruce guardedly. He really didn’t know. “Just in the role, I guess,” he continued, glancing down at the side and scratching his head. Why the hell did he feel he could be honest with the Joker, of all people?

When he looked back up, he’d never seen anyone with a more shocked expression. He felt uncomfortable as he knew the Joker was absorbing all the hidden meanings, that Batman had felt like one of the team at some point.

“Looks like we’re not _that_ different,” mused the Joker, his eyes showing that he had felt a bit of the same camaraderie.

Now it was his turn to be shocked. Batman looked at the Joker, trying to suss out whether he was trying to feign friendship to manipulate him into going easy on him. But he seemed genuine – probably because there was no sign of humour on his face and there was a hard edge to his voice – something completely uncharacteristic of the Joker.

“Sure. I’ll send you the application to be my sidekick in the morning,” Bruce said dryly, with his automatic grim expression kicking in again.

The Joker gave a quick but genuine laugh. “Fuck that. You can be mine.”

Bruce couldn’t help chuckling.

“Well, let’s get this over with,” said the Joker rather business-like, holding his hands out, acknowledging his defeat.

Bruce grabbed some nearby rope and neatly tied the Joker’s hands and legs together, leaving him in a place where the police would easily find him.

Bruce gave a slight nod, acknowledging that the Joker didn’t try to either kill him or escape. Then he took another rope, used it as a makeshift grappling hook, and disappeared into the night. He could only imagine that the expression on the Joker’s face was still one of astonishment.


	6. EPILOGUE

The light from the street in Gordon’s office disappeared momentarily. Gordon instinctively turned around to look.

“Batman!” Gordon’s face showed surprise and relief. “Glad you’re back. We very nearly incarcerated an innocent man.”

“I was out of action. Poor guy.”

“Poor isn’t something I’d usually associate with the Wayne heir,” said Gordon, chuckling.

Batman smirked. “Perhaps that applies more to the Batman impostor.”

“Speaking of impostors, I have to let you know that Joker fellow is still at large,” the Commissioner continued. “That person we found at the docks certainly looked like him, but he acted completely differently. He was obviously a fake, so we let him go.”

“What?!” Batman roared.

The Commissioner looked surprised at Batman’s vehement querying of his decision. “W-well, under questioning, when we asked the usual stuff like ‘why did you do it’, he kept saying things like ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I have no idea’ to all our questions. He looked so sober and a bit frightened. I don’t think the Joker would ever have put on an act like that.”

Batman’s mouth was still hanging open. Finally, he pulled himself together. “Sure, the Joker would never _act_ that way,” Batman muttered, rather subdued. Nothing anyone could do about it now.

The Commissioner raised an eyebrow.

“Anyway, thanks for your help, Jim.”

“My help?”

Batman shook his head quickly as if to imply to not read too much into it. In a flash, he made his usual exit through the window.

-0-

“A note for you, Sir.”

“Thank you, Alfred,” Bruce said, reaching for the nondescript envelope on the silver tray.

With an almost inaudible fatigued sigh, he ripped it open. His eyes widened and he froze as he read the contents.

_‘Thanks for your unexpected help in escaping. We will play again soon. –J’_

Bruce scrunched up the note and threw it in the fire, and placed both hands over his face.

Just when he thought his life couldn’t get any more complicated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, it SEEMS like it’s ending on a kind of cliffhanger, but I don’t know what more I can get out of the themes – purpose of this story is that I like playing around with established roles, and how people would act differently once they actually got to know the other person. It makes me happy to know that people enjoy this creation – sincere thank you to anyone who read/followed/faved/reviewed! It’s a fact that when people on opposite sides of a war actually get to know their enemy and the people they’re killing, it’s much harder to kill. XD It’s the idea of the faceless enemy that we apparently can’t relate to that is sustaining wars around the world!


End file.
